"You believe at last!" Jesus answered. "But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:31-33 NIV)
======================
Jesus answered them, "Do you finally believe? In fact, you're about to make a run for it - saving your own skins and abondoning me. But I'm not abandoned. The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that trutsting me, you will be unshakeable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."
(John 16:31-33 the Message)
God has a special place in his heart for the lonely. I've noticed the past few days I feel lonely even though I have people all around me.
One of the definitions of "lonley" is standing apart or isolated.
That's how I feel - isolated. I can smile and make conversation with those around me but ultimately in the core of who I am I feel isolated. My isolation is spiritual because I feel far away from my God. I have turned inward, which is what I usually do, because I am dealing with some issues that are deep seated and troublesome in my heart.
My lonely feelings are self inflicted and easily cured. I am moving towards Jesus not away from Him. I've let my shame and sadness take me away. Instead, I am going to carry my heavy burden and go right up to Him and hand it over. I've been keeping it from Him like a spoiled child, ashamed to admit they did something wrong.
Lonliness is conditional and it can be fixed. What we cannot do is always look towards our fellow man to fill a hole inside us that is meant for God to fill. Man doesn't measure up and you will always be let down if you do that.
-Mar
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Dimensions of New Jersusalem
I thought this was neat!
==================
What Are the New Jerusalem's Dimensions?
Answered by Randy Alcorn
The city's exact dimensions are measured by an angel and reported to be 12,000 stadia, the equivalent of 1,400 miles or 2,200 kilometers, in length, width, and height (Revelation 21:15-16). Even though these proportions may have symbolic importance, this doesn't mean they can't be literal. In fact, Scripture emphasizes that the dimensions are given in "man's measurement" (Revelation 21:17). If the city really has these dimensions (and there's no reason it couldn't), what more could we expect God to say to convince us? (I deal with whether the dimensions are literal in appendix B, "Literal and Figurative Interpretation.")
A metropolis of this size in the middle of the United States would stretch from Canada to Mexico and from the Appalachian Mountains to the California border. The New Jerusalem is all the square footage anyone could ask for.
Even more astounding is the city's 1,400-mile height. Some people suggest this is the reach of the city's tallest towers and spires, rising above buildings of lesser height. If so, they argue that it's more like a pyramid than a cube.
We don't need to worry that Heaven will be crowded. The ground level of the city will be nearly two million square miles. This is forty times bigger than England and fifteen thousand times bigger than London. It's ten times as big as France or Germany and far larger than India. But remember, that's just the ground level.
Given the dimensions of a 1,400-mile cube, if the city consisted of different levels (we don't know this), and if each story were a generous twelve feet high, the city could have over 600,000 stories. If they were on different levels, billions of people could occupy the New Jerusalem, with many square miles per person.
If these numbers are figurative, not literal (and that is certainly possible), surely they are still meant to convey that the home of God's people will be extremely large and roomy.
The cube shape of the New Jerusalem reminds us of the cube shape of the Most Holy Place in the Temple (1 Kings 6:20), the three dimensions perhaps suggestive of the three persons of the Trinity. God will live in the city, and it is his presence that will be its greatest feature.
(Excerpted from Heaven by Randy Alcorn, p. 242-243)
Below are the foundation stones of New Jerusalem in correct order! So beautiful.
==================
What Are the New Jerusalem's Dimensions?
Answered by Randy Alcorn
The city's exact dimensions are measured by an angel and reported to be 12,000 stadia, the equivalent of 1,400 miles or 2,200 kilometers, in length, width, and height (Revelation 21:15-16). Even though these proportions may have symbolic importance, this doesn't mean they can't be literal. In fact, Scripture emphasizes that the dimensions are given in "man's measurement" (Revelation 21:17). If the city really has these dimensions (and there's no reason it couldn't), what more could we expect God to say to convince us? (I deal with whether the dimensions are literal in appendix B, "Literal and Figurative Interpretation.")
A metropolis of this size in the middle of the United States would stretch from Canada to Mexico and from the Appalachian Mountains to the California border. The New Jerusalem is all the square footage anyone could ask for.
Even more astounding is the city's 1,400-mile height. Some people suggest this is the reach of the city's tallest towers and spires, rising above buildings of lesser height. If so, they argue that it's more like a pyramid than a cube.
We don't need to worry that Heaven will be crowded. The ground level of the city will be nearly two million square miles. This is forty times bigger than England and fifteen thousand times bigger than London. It's ten times as big as France or Germany and far larger than India. But remember, that's just the ground level.
Given the dimensions of a 1,400-mile cube, if the city consisted of different levels (we don't know this), and if each story were a generous twelve feet high, the city could have over 600,000 stories. If they were on different levels, billions of people could occupy the New Jerusalem, with many square miles per person.
If these numbers are figurative, not literal (and that is certainly possible), surely they are still meant to convey that the home of God's people will be extremely large and roomy.
The cube shape of the New Jerusalem reminds us of the cube shape of the Most Holy Place in the Temple (1 Kings 6:20), the three dimensions perhaps suggestive of the three persons of the Trinity. God will live in the city, and it is his presence that will be its greatest feature.
(Excerpted from Heaven by Randy Alcorn, p. 242-243)
Below are the foundation stones of New Jerusalem in correct order! So beautiful.
Jewels listed in order: Top to bottom
Ruby/Jasper
Sapphire
Agate
Emerald
Peridot
Pearl
Diamond
Aquamarine
Topaz
Jacinth
Amethyst
In Heaven
We are told to keep our thoughts on things in heaven and not of this world.
I like to think about heaven.
My desire is that there will be lots of open spaces and flowers. Just miles and miles of wind swept valleys of flowers. Grass more green than any shade I've ever witnessed. Purples, pinks, yellows, blues, oranges - all in amazing supernatural techni-color!
I have this amazing background on my computer at work that reminds me of heaven. I say "reminds" as if it's a memory of some place I've already been I suppose. But I can say with authority that it REMINDS me of heaven. Don't ask me how I know that there is some place in heaven that resembles this picture except so much more bright and beautiful . . . it's there.
So I watch my screen sometimes and pray softly in my head, asking my Provider to please allow this place to be real for me. A place that I KNOW I will see when I leave this earth, a place I will see Christ.
-Just a ramble.
Mar
I like to think about heaven.
My desire is that there will be lots of open spaces and flowers. Just miles and miles of wind swept valleys of flowers. Grass more green than any shade I've ever witnessed. Purples, pinks, yellows, blues, oranges - all in amazing supernatural techni-color!
I have this amazing background on my computer at work that reminds me of heaven. I say "reminds" as if it's a memory of some place I've already been I suppose. But I can say with authority that it REMINDS me of heaven. Don't ask me how I know that there is some place in heaven that resembles this picture except so much more bright and beautiful . . . it's there.
So I watch my screen sometimes and pray softly in my head, asking my Provider to please allow this place to be real for me. A place that I KNOW I will see when I leave this earth, a place I will see Christ.
-Just a ramble.
Mar
Eve - The Unpolluted Mind
Of all the women in the Bible I think that Eve is my favorite. Not alot if written about her in scripture but what few words are written say alot.
Can you imagine being Eve?
The first woman on the planet! Not only are you the first woman on the planet but you are perfect in every way. You have no equal. You have no one to compare yourself to. You just are - perfect.
Now, let's take that a step further: Eve was the first creation that the Lord God formed out of living flesh. He formed Adam from the dust of the earth and our dear Eve out of Adam's rib. God put Adam into a supernatural anesthesia and removed that rib and closed up the wound. Then the Creator of Everything takes said rib and begins to knit and form tissue around it. He forms Adam's helpmate. Adam's lost half. That part of Adam that was missing.
As Eve you are in a paradise that we as modern women cannot comprehend really. She worked with her hands in the garden and with the animals. Oh yes! She did it all naked as well! Can you imagine doing anything like that naked? I have a hard time taking a shower naked let alone picking some fruit outside in broad dayling no less!
The most fascinating aspect of Eve for me tonight is the fact that her mind was pure. Her thoughts were pure. There was no guile in her, no deceit, no treachery, no jealousy, not cattiness, no doubt, no depression. Her mind was 100% firing on all cylinders just as the Lord intended it to work. She must have gazed upon her loving husband and just simply loved him. Stood side by side with him as they planted rows of vegetables and was simply . . . content to be there with him doing Gods' work.
Eve knew her place and that place was with her husband right at his side; after all that is where she came from wasn't it? She would have never looked at him (before the fall I suppose but I don't think she did after the fall either) and wondered what it would have been like if God created a different Adam. She looked at him and just knew it was right.
Eve would have been ok with herself. She wouldn't have looked down at her body and rolled her eyes. She would have been ok with the swell of her hips or the slightly rounded belly. She wouldn't have cared if her breast were a bit lopsided or sagged a bit! Do you think that Eve would have thought her butt was too big as she bathed in a stream, hoping that Adam didn't look at it in an unflattering light? Eve loved herself and her body because that was the way God designed her.
And finally, most importantly, Eve loved her God. She walked and talked intimately with Him in the cool of the evening. She saw and trusted the work of His hands. I wonder how many times she lay among the cool grass and just talked to Him, loved Him above all else? Her mind focused and devoted to the One true God.
Yep, I love Eve. And I have to say that she is the one (besides my Jesus) that I hope to spend alot of time with in heaven and on the new earth.
-Mar
Can you imagine being Eve?
The first woman on the planet! Not only are you the first woman on the planet but you are perfect in every way. You have no equal. You have no one to compare yourself to. You just are - perfect.
Now, let's take that a step further: Eve was the first creation that the Lord God formed out of living flesh. He formed Adam from the dust of the earth and our dear Eve out of Adam's rib. God put Adam into a supernatural anesthesia and removed that rib and closed up the wound. Then the Creator of Everything takes said rib and begins to knit and form tissue around it. He forms Adam's helpmate. Adam's lost half. That part of Adam that was missing.
As Eve you are in a paradise that we as modern women cannot comprehend really. She worked with her hands in the garden and with the animals. Oh yes! She did it all naked as well! Can you imagine doing anything like that naked? I have a hard time taking a shower naked let alone picking some fruit outside in broad dayling no less!
The most fascinating aspect of Eve for me tonight is the fact that her mind was pure. Her thoughts were pure. There was no guile in her, no deceit, no treachery, no jealousy, not cattiness, no doubt, no depression. Her mind was 100% firing on all cylinders just as the Lord intended it to work. She must have gazed upon her loving husband and just simply loved him. Stood side by side with him as they planted rows of vegetables and was simply . . . content to be there with him doing Gods' work.
Eve knew her place and that place was with her husband right at his side; after all that is where she came from wasn't it? She would have never looked at him (before the fall I suppose but I don't think she did after the fall either) and wondered what it would have been like if God created a different Adam. She looked at him and just knew it was right.
Eve would have been ok with herself. She wouldn't have looked down at her body and rolled her eyes. She would have been ok with the swell of her hips or the slightly rounded belly. She wouldn't have cared if her breast were a bit lopsided or sagged a bit! Do you think that Eve would have thought her butt was too big as she bathed in a stream, hoping that Adam didn't look at it in an unflattering light? Eve loved herself and her body because that was the way God designed her.
And finally, most importantly, Eve loved her God. She walked and talked intimately with Him in the cool of the evening. She saw and trusted the work of His hands. I wonder how many times she lay among the cool grass and just talked to Him, loved Him above all else? Her mind focused and devoted to the One true God.
Yep, I love Eve. And I have to say that she is the one (besides my Jesus) that I hope to spend alot of time with in heaven and on the new earth.
-Mar
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Grave Clothes (John 11:41-44)
"Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying. And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, 'Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. And I know that You always hear Me, but because of the people who are standing by I said this, that they may believe that You sent Me.' Now when He had said these things, He cried with a loud voice, 'Lazarus, come forth!' And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with graveclothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, 'Loose him, and let him go'." (Jno. 11:41-44)
===================================================
Jesus let a man die.
But soon enough after, He raised a man back to life.
This shows the immense power of Jesus over life and death. And that would be the typical way to go with this verse but I am applying it on a more personal level right now.
For me - I think that Jesus is going to let me "die" in these graveclothes that I keep hanging on to. By die, I do not mean actual death (although that is His choice) but I mean that if I keep lugging them around and wrapping myself up in these graveclothes then I am choosing to die in them - spiritually - emotionally - mentally.
Sometimes it takes a simply weekday lunch at a Chinese place with a good friend to wake you up to the fact that you are covered in the graveclothes. A friend did that for a me a few weeks ago and it has affected me deeply. To the point that I am peeling off the stinky, death scented rags and looking at my life through new eyes. Eyes of the ressurected I suppose.
Did I suddenly realize I wasn't saved? No. I am part of the elect, there is no doubt in my mind. I am a Princess in my God's Kingdom.
What I am realizing is that I have been walking in the shadowlands of faith and not in the bright sunlight of the joy it brings. Burdened down with self loathing, doubt and hate. Burdened with the "what ifs" of ministry life. Burdened down with the world that seems to seduce me all too easily.
My graveclothes have been applied by no one else but myself. It's as if I cut them up, wound them around my limbs and body and then crawled into the grave. Permaturely! A living breathing Christian crawling into the grave as if dead.
My friend, over Kung Pao Chicken and egg rolls, reminded me that I am not dead. That I have life in me yet and that God is using me, even in my despair and disobedience.
So, I'm going to stay focused on the graveclothes for a while and see where it takes me.
In Christ,
Mar
===================================================
Jesus let a man die.
But soon enough after, He raised a man back to life.
This shows the immense power of Jesus over life and death. And that would be the typical way to go with this verse but I am applying it on a more personal level right now.
For me - I think that Jesus is going to let me "die" in these graveclothes that I keep hanging on to. By die, I do not mean actual death (although that is His choice) but I mean that if I keep lugging them around and wrapping myself up in these graveclothes then I am choosing to die in them - spiritually - emotionally - mentally.
Sometimes it takes a simply weekday lunch at a Chinese place with a good friend to wake you up to the fact that you are covered in the graveclothes. A friend did that for a me a few weeks ago and it has affected me deeply. To the point that I am peeling off the stinky, death scented rags and looking at my life through new eyes. Eyes of the ressurected I suppose.
Did I suddenly realize I wasn't saved? No. I am part of the elect, there is no doubt in my mind. I am a Princess in my God's Kingdom.
What I am realizing is that I have been walking in the shadowlands of faith and not in the bright sunlight of the joy it brings. Burdened down with self loathing, doubt and hate. Burdened with the "what ifs" of ministry life. Burdened down with the world that seems to seduce me all too easily.
My graveclothes have been applied by no one else but myself. It's as if I cut them up, wound them around my limbs and body and then crawled into the grave. Permaturely! A living breathing Christian crawling into the grave as if dead.
My friend, over Kung Pao Chicken and egg rolls, reminded me that I am not dead. That I have life in me yet and that God is using me, even in my despair and disobedience.
So, I'm going to stay focused on the graveclothes for a while and see where it takes me.
In Christ,
Mar
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Burn The Grave Clothes
From the book of John chapter 11:
41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."
43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" 44The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
The fact that a four day old cadaver was filled with life again is incredible and awe inspiring alone. However, it is what Jesus says next that moves me every time I read it. He says, “Take off his grave clothes and let him go!”
The imagery created by this account is just insane. Can you imagine what Lazarus looked like as he struggled to walk out of the tomb because his head, torso, and legs were wrapped with linens? Can you imagine him trying to bust out of those grave clothes, realizing Jesus loved him enough to literally give him a second chance at life? What a picture of liberation. What a picture of true freedom.
Have you ever wondered what Lazarus did with the linens that once bound his dead body? I’ve wondered about this before. It’s not like he threw them in the closet with the rest of his attire. Hopefully he wouldn’t need them anytime soon, right? They were probably cheap strips of linen that were dirty and smelled horrible by then anyway. If he kept them around, don’t you think it would remind him of his death? I think he burned them. I think it would have been a symbolic moment for him as well. Think about that; the memories of his death going up in smoke and the grave clothes becoming ashes.
There was a time in my life when I wore figurative grave clothes. The stench of death was all over me. I had no sign of abundant life that only Christ can provide. Little did I know my grave clothes were so binding. The linens covered my eyes, blinding me to the freedom that God had in store for me once I awakened from death, removed my grave clothes, and followed Him.
Have you ever worn grave clothes? Are you in them right now? If you’ve worn them in the past, do you still keep them around? Do you slip into them every once in a while because they’re comfortable? Do people around you think they look good on you? Hey, maybe your grave clothes are in style.
When the tendency to throw on those old grave clothes comes, think about how ridiculous Lazarus must have looked bound up in his. Do what he did. Take off your grave clothes.
Oh, and before you go, burn them.
(Taken from a fellow blogger. Thanks for the great insight!)
(
41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."
43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" 44The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
The fact that a four day old cadaver was filled with life again is incredible and awe inspiring alone. However, it is what Jesus says next that moves me every time I read it. He says, “Take off his grave clothes and let him go!”
The imagery created by this account is just insane. Can you imagine what Lazarus looked like as he struggled to walk out of the tomb because his head, torso, and legs were wrapped with linens? Can you imagine him trying to bust out of those grave clothes, realizing Jesus loved him enough to literally give him a second chance at life? What a picture of liberation. What a picture of true freedom.
Have you ever wondered what Lazarus did with the linens that once bound his dead body? I’ve wondered about this before. It’s not like he threw them in the closet with the rest of his attire. Hopefully he wouldn’t need them anytime soon, right? They were probably cheap strips of linen that were dirty and smelled horrible by then anyway. If he kept them around, don’t you think it would remind him of his death? I think he burned them. I think it would have been a symbolic moment for him as well. Think about that; the memories of his death going up in smoke and the grave clothes becoming ashes.
There was a time in my life when I wore figurative grave clothes. The stench of death was all over me. I had no sign of abundant life that only Christ can provide. Little did I know my grave clothes were so binding. The linens covered my eyes, blinding me to the freedom that God had in store for me once I awakened from death, removed my grave clothes, and followed Him.
Have you ever worn grave clothes? Are you in them right now? If you’ve worn them in the past, do you still keep them around? Do you slip into them every once in a while because they’re comfortable? Do people around you think they look good on you? Hey, maybe your grave clothes are in style.
When the tendency to throw on those old grave clothes comes, think about how ridiculous Lazarus must have looked bound up in his. Do what he did. Take off your grave clothes.
Oh, and before you go, burn them.
(Taken from a fellow blogger. Thanks for the great insight!)
(
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
It's Almost Christmas Eve
Well, the days are flying by and moving us towards Christmas Eve. Traffic is insane and people are uptight, frustrated and not very nice. Courtesy doesn't exist at Christmas time. Goes completely against what we are supposed to be celebrating doesn't it?
If you go to any store and just stand by and watch you'll get an eye full. Not many seem to smile and even less tend to laugh. Eyes are scouring the shelves for the latest toy or gadget. Fingers are gripped on the buggy with a death like ferocity as they weave in and out of aisles.
Shift your gaze towards the check out aisle and watch as gifts are tossed onto the conveyor belts, one right after the other. Heavy sighs as the total gets higher. Fingers peel out the bills or perhaps the ever present credit card that is so eager to be used.
Mounds of wrapping paper shoved into impersonal wire baskets. Bows, gift tags and tape thrown to the bottom just below the gift bags that will be filled later tonight. Chocolate covered cherries thrown without care into the basket and another turn around the corner to look for another meaningless stocking stuffer.
So, shift your position and take a walk down the grocery side of the store and watch as even more tension mounts and people move like robots through the fray. Turkeys, hams, rolls, green beans and yams. All of the normal goodies that will be cooked for a Christmas dinner later. Eyes are glazed over and no happiness is noticed by those passing by because they are too wrapped up in their own busy lives.
We pass each other as if we don't exist. We offer a muffled, "Merry Christmas" or the more politically correct, "Happy Holidays" without so much as a tiny inflection of cheer or love. We buy bright candy canes and don't even take the slightest time to smile at the thought of unwrapping one and biting it in two!
We are numbed to joy. Blind to happiness. Cold to cheer and merriment. People are going through the Christmas motions that happen every year. Nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary. Just another holiday to spend money they don't really have and see people they don't particular like.
So, now it's time to exit the store and find a mirror and take a cold hard look at yourself in the reflection.
What did you do when you picked up those candy canes?
If you go to any store and just stand by and watch you'll get an eye full. Not many seem to smile and even less tend to laugh. Eyes are scouring the shelves for the latest toy or gadget. Fingers are gripped on the buggy with a death like ferocity as they weave in and out of aisles.
Shift your gaze towards the check out aisle and watch as gifts are tossed onto the conveyor belts, one right after the other. Heavy sighs as the total gets higher. Fingers peel out the bills or perhaps the ever present credit card that is so eager to be used.
Mounds of wrapping paper shoved into impersonal wire baskets. Bows, gift tags and tape thrown to the bottom just below the gift bags that will be filled later tonight. Chocolate covered cherries thrown without care into the basket and another turn around the corner to look for another meaningless stocking stuffer.
So, shift your position and take a walk down the grocery side of the store and watch as even more tension mounts and people move like robots through the fray. Turkeys, hams, rolls, green beans and yams. All of the normal goodies that will be cooked for a Christmas dinner later. Eyes are glazed over and no happiness is noticed by those passing by because they are too wrapped up in their own busy lives.
We pass each other as if we don't exist. We offer a muffled, "Merry Christmas" or the more politically correct, "Happy Holidays" without so much as a tiny inflection of cheer or love. We buy bright candy canes and don't even take the slightest time to smile at the thought of unwrapping one and biting it in two!
We are numbed to joy. Blind to happiness. Cold to cheer and merriment. People are going through the Christmas motions that happen every year. Nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary. Just another holiday to spend money they don't really have and see people they don't particular like.
So, now it's time to exit the store and find a mirror and take a cold hard look at yourself in the reflection.
What did you do when you picked up those candy canes?
Monday, December 21, 2009
The Perfect Church
The Perfect Church
If you should find the perfect church
Without one fault or smear,
For goodness sake! Don't join that church;
You'd spoil the atmosphere.
If you should find the perfect church
Where all anxieties cease
Then pass it by, lest joining it
You'd mar the masterpiece.
If you should find the perfect church
Then don't you ever dare,
To tread upon such holy ground;
You'd be a misfit there.
But since no perfect church exists
Made of imperfect men,
Then let's cease looking for that church
And love the church we're in.
Of course, it's not a perfect church,
That's simple to discern
But you and I and all of us
Could cause the tide to turn.
What fools we are to flee our post
In that unfruitful search
To find at last where problems loom
God proudly builds His church.
So let's keep working in our church
Until the resurrection.
And then we each will join that church
Without an imperfection.
HALT - ACTS 2:38!
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder.
As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, 'Stop -Acts 2:38!' (..turn from your sin...). The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, 'Why did you just stand there? All she did was yell a scripture to you.' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar, 'She said she had an AXE and two 38's!'
As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, 'Stop -Acts 2:38!' (..turn from your sin...). The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, 'Why did you just stand there? All she did was yell a scripture to you.' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar, 'She said she had an AXE and two 38's!'
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Mark 10:13-14 (The Message)
13-16The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: "Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.
Mark 10:13-14 (ESV)
Let the Children Come to Me
13(B) And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples(C) rebuked them. 14But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, (D) "Let the children come to me;(E) do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.
========================================
A good friend of mine brought this verse to my attention and I have been thinking about it alot since we discussed it. If you notice in the Message, they translate what Jesus says about children as being the "center" of the Kingdom of God.
So we began to discuss if there were going to be actual infants and children in heaven? Children that had died in birth, in utero, children who were murdered and aborted children.
I have read the "Heaven" book by Randy Alcorn and he addresses this question. In his book he says that he believes Christian parents who have lost a child will be reunited with them in heaven to raise them! And that all the murdered and aborted children will be given to people to be raised in heaven!
Now, I have to say that I am on the fence about this particular subject but it has been at the front of my mind since last night.I think that it's a beautiful thought that our Lord would allow those parents to be reunited with their lost babies. It chokes me up to think of that really. Mothers able to hold their babies, rock them, comfort them. Lost babies who were tossed away at birth given to new mothers/fathers.
There are some theologians who believe that we'll all be around the age of 30 in heaven. If you think about it, what would heaven be like without children? Is this directly connected to why Christ says we must be like children to enter the Kingdom of God because there will be no more children?
I'm torn on this subject and I think it will be something I ponder for a while.
With love,
Mar
13-16The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: "Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.
Mark 10:13-14 (ESV)
Let the Children Come to Me
13(B) And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples(C) rebuked them. 14But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, (D) "Let the children come to me;(E) do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.
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A good friend of mine brought this verse to my attention and I have been thinking about it alot since we discussed it. If you notice in the Message, they translate what Jesus says about children as being the "center" of the Kingdom of God.
So we began to discuss if there were going to be actual infants and children in heaven? Children that had died in birth, in utero, children who were murdered and aborted children.
I have read the "Heaven" book by Randy Alcorn and he addresses this question. In his book he says that he believes Christian parents who have lost a child will be reunited with them in heaven to raise them! And that all the murdered and aborted children will be given to people to be raised in heaven!
Now, I have to say that I am on the fence about this particular subject but it has been at the front of my mind since last night.I think that it's a beautiful thought that our Lord would allow those parents to be reunited with their lost babies. It chokes me up to think of that really. Mothers able to hold their babies, rock them, comfort them. Lost babies who were tossed away at birth given to new mothers/fathers.
There are some theologians who believe that we'll all be around the age of 30 in heaven. If you think about it, what would heaven be like without children? Is this directly connected to why Christ says we must be like children to enter the Kingdom of God because there will be no more children?
I'm torn on this subject and I think it will be something I ponder for a while.
With love,
Mar
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The Thoughts Jesus Has Towards You (Jer. 29:11)
"I know the thoughts that I think toward you," says the Lord, "thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)
==========================
I have a very bad habit of forgetting this truth in God's Word. I forget that the Lord is always thinking of me. Not only is He thinking of me; He has thoughts of peace for me - a future and hope.
Now, I have taken this verse very lightly in the past. Something has been making me think a bit deeper on it. So I'm going to break down some key words in the verse - get to the meat and bones of it all!
PEACE -
*cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension.
*freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity.
*a state of tranquillity or serenity: May he rest in peace.
*a state or condition conducive to, proceeding from, or characterized by tranquillity silence; stillness
This particular word is one that I struggle with on a daily basis. I do not feel at peace in my mind most of the time. My mind races all over the place and seldom lets me catch my breath. There isn't much peace in my thoughts and fears.
But Scripture is telling me in this verse that He, the Lord Almighty, is sending thoughts of peace my way. Peace from the Prince of Peace Himself! That should mean something right? I'm trying to figure out how I keep missing that very important package delivery!!
I love the thought of "cessation of strife" or the freedom from anxiety and distraction. I cannot imagine my life with a mind full of these things. There are days that I am free for a few hours but eventually it comes back. I know that the answer lies in this Scripture, I just need to figure out how to actively apply that to my mind.
EVIL -
*the force in nature that governs and gives rise to wickedness and sin.
*the wicked or immoral part of someone or something: The evil in his nature has destroyed the good.
*harm; mischief; misfortune: to wish one evil.
*anything causing injury or harm: Tobacco is considered by some to be an evil.
*a harmful aspect, effect, or consequence
Jer. 29:11 tells me that Jesus never has thoughts of evil towards me. Even when things are hard in my life and troubles are on every side - there is no evil from Him. When I am caught up in the latest worry or hurdle in my path I have to always remember that Jesus has no thoughts of evil for me. He never wishes evil upon me. He never desires to see me struggle with my problems and worries. That is why He is so adamant about me taking those things which burden me down to the cross.
FUTURE-
*time that is to be or come hereafter
He has thoughts of my future. Ha! Even I dont think about my future that much. But Jesus sits in eternity and thinks of my future. My future? Me? Nobody in East Texas and the Maker of Heaven and Earth thinks of my future?! That is mind boggling if you really sit and let yourself drink that in. Really think about it! He is sitting at the right hand of His Father, right now, thinking of your future. It's almost too much to wrap my puny pea brain around. BUT I believe it! As enormous as that is, I have to believe it.
HOPE-
*the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
*a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.
* a person or thing in which expectations are centered: JESUS was her last hope.
* something that is hoped for: HIS forgiveness is my constant hope.
Good ol' hope!! I live on hope! I breathe in hope. Hope that there is so much more than this. Hope that I won't embarass myself or my family. Hope that at some point in my life I'll have peace of mind. Hope, hope, hope, hope.
Jesus THINKS thoughts of hope for us. Jesus' thoughts are power. Pure, unadulterated power. Think about it for second! He merely spoke and the universe jumped into existence - what happens when He merely "thinks" something?!?
I know that my future will turn out exactly the way the Lord wants it to. I have given my scarred, messed up, highly imperfect life to Him and I know that He's in the business of making all things new.
I have no idea what my future holds but I do know one thing - that my Jesus cares what it holds and His power is in my future. So, it's all going to be ok!
With the Love of Christ,
Mar
==========================
I have a very bad habit of forgetting this truth in God's Word. I forget that the Lord is always thinking of me. Not only is He thinking of me; He has thoughts of peace for me - a future and hope.
Now, I have taken this verse very lightly in the past. Something has been making me think a bit deeper on it. So I'm going to break down some key words in the verse - get to the meat and bones of it all!
PEACE -
*cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension.
*freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity.
*a state of tranquillity or serenity: May he rest in peace.
*a state or condition conducive to, proceeding from, or characterized by tranquillity silence; stillness
This particular word is one that I struggle with on a daily basis. I do not feel at peace in my mind most of the time. My mind races all over the place and seldom lets me catch my breath. There isn't much peace in my thoughts and fears.
But Scripture is telling me in this verse that He, the Lord Almighty, is sending thoughts of peace my way. Peace from the Prince of Peace Himself! That should mean something right? I'm trying to figure out how I keep missing that very important package delivery!!
I love the thought of "cessation of strife" or the freedom from anxiety and distraction. I cannot imagine my life with a mind full of these things. There are days that I am free for a few hours but eventually it comes back. I know that the answer lies in this Scripture, I just need to figure out how to actively apply that to my mind.
EVIL -
*the force in nature that governs and gives rise to wickedness and sin.
*the wicked or immoral part of someone or something: The evil in his nature has destroyed the good.
*harm; mischief; misfortune: to wish one evil.
*anything causing injury or harm: Tobacco is considered by some to be an evil.
*a harmful aspect, effect, or consequence
Jer. 29:11 tells me that Jesus never has thoughts of evil towards me. Even when things are hard in my life and troubles are on every side - there is no evil from Him. When I am caught up in the latest worry or hurdle in my path I have to always remember that Jesus has no thoughts of evil for me. He never wishes evil upon me. He never desires to see me struggle with my problems and worries. That is why He is so adamant about me taking those things which burden me down to the cross.
FUTURE-
*time that is to be or come hereafter
He has thoughts of my future. Ha! Even I dont think about my future that much. But Jesus sits in eternity and thinks of my future. My future? Me? Nobody in East Texas and the Maker of Heaven and Earth thinks of my future?! That is mind boggling if you really sit and let yourself drink that in. Really think about it! He is sitting at the right hand of His Father, right now, thinking of your future. It's almost too much to wrap my puny pea brain around. BUT I believe it! As enormous as that is, I have to believe it.
HOPE-
*the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
*a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.
* a person or thing in which expectations are centered: JESUS was her last hope.
* something that is hoped for: HIS forgiveness is my constant hope.
Good ol' hope!! I live on hope! I breathe in hope. Hope that there is so much more than this. Hope that I won't embarass myself or my family. Hope that at some point in my life I'll have peace of mind. Hope, hope, hope, hope.
Jesus THINKS thoughts of hope for us. Jesus' thoughts are power. Pure, unadulterated power. Think about it for second! He merely spoke and the universe jumped into existence - what happens when He merely "thinks" something?!?
I know that my future will turn out exactly the way the Lord wants it to. I have given my scarred, messed up, highly imperfect life to Him and I know that He's in the business of making all things new.
I have no idea what my future holds but I do know one thing - that my Jesus cares what it holds and His power is in my future. So, it's all going to be ok!
With the Love of Christ,
Mar
Monday, December 14, 2009
7 x 77 - Forgive
Matthew 18:21-23
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
=================================================
I've been thinking about my brother and his current incarceration. He's sitting in jail waiting to serve a 20 month sentence on posession of drug making chemicals. This isn't his first felong - it's his third.
It breaks my heart in a million pieces when I think about him behind bars. I find it so hard to go and visit him because I seem to cry all the time and nearly sob when I see him being led away by the guards.
I do not visit him often in jail.
Now the discussion with my mother about him is what he'll do when he gets out. He's always saying what he thinks we want to hear from him while he's in jail. He tells/writes a totally different thing to his buddies; complete opposite of what he tells us. We know this because mother found a stash of letters written to his current addict girlfriend the last time he got out about 3 months ago. The letters were discouraging to say the least.
So, now we are at a point of making decisions. Should he parole he needs an address to use. There is no one to offer that to him except me and my hubby. I find myself not wanting to help him again because of how many times he has lied and hurt us.
That's where I am with forgiving him and trusting him. I'm working actively on the forgiveness but I don't know that I can ever trust him.
Lord, I need your help here.
Mar
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
=================================================
I've been thinking about my brother and his current incarceration. He's sitting in jail waiting to serve a 20 month sentence on posession of drug making chemicals. This isn't his first felong - it's his third.
It breaks my heart in a million pieces when I think about him behind bars. I find it so hard to go and visit him because I seem to cry all the time and nearly sob when I see him being led away by the guards.
I do not visit him often in jail.
Now the discussion with my mother about him is what he'll do when he gets out. He's always saying what he thinks we want to hear from him while he's in jail. He tells/writes a totally different thing to his buddies; complete opposite of what he tells us. We know this because mother found a stash of letters written to his current addict girlfriend the last time he got out about 3 months ago. The letters were discouraging to say the least.
So, now we are at a point of making decisions. Should he parole he needs an address to use. There is no one to offer that to him except me and my hubby. I find myself not wanting to help him again because of how many times he has lied and hurt us.
That's where I am with forgiving him and trusting him. I'm working actively on the forgiveness but I don't know that I can ever trust him.
Lord, I need your help here.
Mar
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Mark My Words!
Do a quick search @ Biblegateway.com and type in "words".
=======================
You will quickly find that thousands of examples pop up from the Bible using "words" in some form or fashion.
Our words have power. They have power for the negative and power for the positive. There is no middle ground when it comes to the power our words have over our lives and the lives of others.
I had an email conversation with a dear Sister today about words and how powerful they truly are to our spiritual lives. What we speak out - in the negative or the positive - will affect our lives.
Should we speak out positive about our lives, our families, our Jesus, our Church etc . . . we aren't giving our Enemy any ammunition to use against us in those areas of our lives.
Likewise, if we begin to speak out negatives about those areas, we are giving Satan and his demons legal rights to harass and attack us and our lives.
"Legal rights? What does that mean?"
================================
It simply means that you have given the lion who seeks to devour, steal, kill and destroy every right under heaven and earth to come against you. He has this right because you have forgotten who you belong to!
You have forgotten that (if you are in fact a Child of the King) you are washed in the blood of Jesus Christ, the Creator of All! You have forgotten that you have been grafted into a very special Vine; adopted to a splendid new Family.
So, mark your words. Measure them carefully. Speak them with a pause. Be slow to speak because this is one of the ways the Lord has given you to test the spirits and not make mistakes.
With the everlasting love of Christ,
Marilyn
=======================
You will quickly find that thousands of examples pop up from the Bible using "words" in some form or fashion.
Our words have power. They have power for the negative and power for the positive. There is no middle ground when it comes to the power our words have over our lives and the lives of others.
I had an email conversation with a dear Sister today about words and how powerful they truly are to our spiritual lives. What we speak out - in the negative or the positive - will affect our lives.
Should we speak out positive about our lives, our families, our Jesus, our Church etc . . . we aren't giving our Enemy any ammunition to use against us in those areas of our lives.
Likewise, if we begin to speak out negatives about those areas, we are giving Satan and his demons legal rights to harass and attack us and our lives.
"Legal rights? What does that mean?"
================================
It simply means that you have given the lion who seeks to devour, steal, kill and destroy every right under heaven and earth to come against you. He has this right because you have forgotten who you belong to!
You have forgotten that (if you are in fact a Child of the King) you are washed in the blood of Jesus Christ, the Creator of All! You have forgotten that you have been grafted into a very special Vine; adopted to a splendid new Family.
So, mark your words. Measure them carefully. Speak them with a pause. Be slow to speak because this is one of the ways the Lord has given you to test the spirits and not make mistakes.
With the everlasting love of Christ,
Marilyn
Flip Flop Diaries - The Beginning
"Why are you wearing flip flops!? It's cold outside, that's why you are always sick."
"Mom, its the only "church shoes" I have. I just don't buy shoes."
"What? What do you mean it's the only shoes you have?"
==============================================
Thus began a conversation I had this morning with my dear mother. Funny how a little thing like simple plastic and rubber foot coverings can get your brain to working over time. I have about 4 pair of flip flops. All in what I consider to be basic colors that will go with anything I own in my very simple wardrobe.
I began to think about my flip flops on the way to church. I think that they are a reflection of my attitude towards my life. Easy as possible. Nothing flashing - just serve the basic purpose I need - cover my feet.
So, I dug a bit deeper on the 15 minute ride to church and thought, "Does this reflect who I am in Christ and is that a bad thing?"
Can I be a flip flop for Christ and affect His Kingdom?
I've come to the conclusion that: YES! Yes I can be a multi-colored flip flop and serve my Jesus. I can hear the "flippy flopping" of my shoes in my head I begin to formulate how I will make this relevant in my life. Flip. Flop. Flip. Flop.
I think that the flip flop defines me perfectly because I am not your cookie cutter version of a Southern Baptist Pastor's wife. Ha! In fact, I am probably the complete opposite. I don't own any matching dress suits. I don't own one pair of high heels or even pumps for that matter. I have a few skirts and some shirts and I switch out. And of course, I own flip flops.
So where do I go from here with these Flip Flop Diaries? We'll have to see where the Lord leads. Well, I'm off to Sunday night church. I'm not wearing flip flops tonight though.
I hope you'll let that slide. :)
Let the Flip Flopping journey begin!
With love in Christ,
Mar
"Mom, its the only "church shoes" I have. I just don't buy shoes."
"What? What do you mean it's the only shoes you have?"
==============================================
Thus began a conversation I had this morning with my dear mother. Funny how a little thing like simple plastic and rubber foot coverings can get your brain to working over time. I have about 4 pair of flip flops. All in what I consider to be basic colors that will go with anything I own in my very simple wardrobe.
I began to think about my flip flops on the way to church. I think that they are a reflection of my attitude towards my life. Easy as possible. Nothing flashing - just serve the basic purpose I need - cover my feet.
So, I dug a bit deeper on the 15 minute ride to church and thought, "Does this reflect who I am in Christ and is that a bad thing?"
Can I be a flip flop for Christ and affect His Kingdom?
I've come to the conclusion that: YES! Yes I can be a multi-colored flip flop and serve my Jesus. I can hear the "flippy flopping" of my shoes in my head I begin to formulate how I will make this relevant in my life. Flip. Flop. Flip. Flop.
I think that the flip flop defines me perfectly because I am not your cookie cutter version of a Southern Baptist Pastor's wife. Ha! In fact, I am probably the complete opposite. I don't own any matching dress suits. I don't own one pair of high heels or even pumps for that matter. I have a few skirts and some shirts and I switch out. And of course, I own flip flops.
So where do I go from here with these Flip Flop Diaries? We'll have to see where the Lord leads. Well, I'm off to Sunday night church. I'm not wearing flip flops tonight though.
I hope you'll let that slide. :)
Let the Flip Flopping journey begin!
With love in Christ,
Mar
Friday, December 11, 2009
Sporadic At Best
Believe it or not, I love to write.
I have this horrible habit of starting a journal and never quite seeing it through. Truth be told, I have a dozen or so paper journals that are only 25% written in!
So, I'm studying my online journal and seeing how neglected it is. Begins to remind me of my spiritual life and walk with Christ.It's negelected.So then I begin to wonder just how it can be neglected when I am the Pastor's wife. I go to church regularly. I am involved in ministry. I teach Sunday school.It shouldn't be neglected should it dear reader?
In a perfect world it wouldn't be but let's be real. This isn't a perfect world and I am just human. I feel fragile right now - fragile like those little glass blown animals you can get at any amusement park. Those tiny and colorful glass creations that will literally shatter if you blow too hard on them. That's my heart and soul right now. Fragile.I won't stand on pretense and act like I don't know why it's that way.
I know it's that way because I have been neglecting my Word. Neglecting God's presence. Neglecting the Holy Spirit. Neglecting prayer. I've been ignoring that I do not have a heart of worship.Neglect. Fragile. All those things are rolled into a ball in the pit of my stomach.
Things have GOT to change for me. Something has got to give.
In all my years of dealing with mental illness I have never felt desperate. I feel desperate now.I'm so tired of turning a blind eye to what is ailing me. God give me strength to head into this battle with a mighty war cry and not a wimper.
With love,Mar
I have this horrible habit of starting a journal and never quite seeing it through. Truth be told, I have a dozen or so paper journals that are only 25% written in!
So, I'm studying my online journal and seeing how neglected it is. Begins to remind me of my spiritual life and walk with Christ.It's negelected.So then I begin to wonder just how it can be neglected when I am the Pastor's wife. I go to church regularly. I am involved in ministry. I teach Sunday school.It shouldn't be neglected should it dear reader?
In a perfect world it wouldn't be but let's be real. This isn't a perfect world and I am just human. I feel fragile right now - fragile like those little glass blown animals you can get at any amusement park. Those tiny and colorful glass creations that will literally shatter if you blow too hard on them. That's my heart and soul right now. Fragile.I won't stand on pretense and act like I don't know why it's that way.
I know it's that way because I have been neglecting my Word. Neglecting God's presence. Neglecting the Holy Spirit. Neglecting prayer. I've been ignoring that I do not have a heart of worship.Neglect. Fragile. All those things are rolled into a ball in the pit of my stomach.
Things have GOT to change for me. Something has got to give.
In all my years of dealing with mental illness I have never felt desperate. I feel desperate now.I'm so tired of turning a blind eye to what is ailing me. God give me strength to head into this battle with a mighty war cry and not a wimper.
With love,Mar
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Rats in the Sanctuary
I had a dream this afternoon while I was sleeping. Rats in a kitchen. I was explaining to a man (a man that I now know was Jesus) that I couldn't get rid of the infestation of rodents. They were everywhere! Crawling on the floor, the cabinets, in boxes of food, over our feet.
An extremely large rat walked onto the countertop and simply sat down looking at the Man. Finally HE said, "This is how you have to get rid of them."
On a nearby table was a pair of long cooking tongs (the fancy kind w/rubber tips) and He grabbed the rat by the neck and summarily broke it's neck. Calmly He walked to the door and tossed it out. As He came back in all the smaller rats sat up, looked at Him and fled!
The kitchen was clean of rats.
====================================
I retell the dream to say: The most important figure in that dream wasn't the rats or even me, it was Christ.
It took me the better part of the evening to reall analyze the dream and with the help of my son and my best friend I realized that it wasn't about how I could rid the kitchen of the rats . . . it was about me letting Jesus Christ do His job!
So . . . there are real rats in the sanctuary of my church. More specifically I believe there is a single big rat. Beady eyes, yellow venomous teeth exposed. A rat that came in with others and is trying to make a nest to breed inside the walls of JBC.
I, in my flesh, want to handle the rat problem myself. Glue traps, snap traps, poison etc......God used the dream to show me that the problem will not leave unless I let HIM handle it.
He was merciful (in the dream) in simply snapping the rats neck. The death was painless and quick but effective. That's how Christ can remove a problem in any church - with painless ease if we will simply step back and let Him work.
So - to the rat I say - scurry around all you want for a while but the Judge is coming. Your time is very short.
Snap. Toss. You are gone and you won't hinder the work of God.
An extremely large rat walked onto the countertop and simply sat down looking at the Man. Finally HE said, "This is how you have to get rid of them."
On a nearby table was a pair of long cooking tongs (the fancy kind w/rubber tips) and He grabbed the rat by the neck and summarily broke it's neck. Calmly He walked to the door and tossed it out. As He came back in all the smaller rats sat up, looked at Him and fled!
The kitchen was clean of rats.
====================================
I retell the dream to say: The most important figure in that dream wasn't the rats or even me, it was Christ.
It took me the better part of the evening to reall analyze the dream and with the help of my son and my best friend I realized that it wasn't about how I could rid the kitchen of the rats . . . it was about me letting Jesus Christ do His job!
So . . . there are real rats in the sanctuary of my church. More specifically I believe there is a single big rat. Beady eyes, yellow venomous teeth exposed. A rat that came in with others and is trying to make a nest to breed inside the walls of JBC.
I, in my flesh, want to handle the rat problem myself. Glue traps, snap traps, poison etc......God used the dream to show me that the problem will not leave unless I let HIM handle it.
He was merciful (in the dream) in simply snapping the rats neck. The death was painless and quick but effective. That's how Christ can remove a problem in any church - with painless ease if we will simply step back and let Him work.
So - to the rat I say - scurry around all you want for a while but the Judge is coming. Your time is very short.
Snap. Toss. You are gone and you won't hinder the work of God.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Off To Dreamland
The day is nearly ended. I worked really hard today. I kept my mind occupied with things other than my "ab"normal thoughts. I really think I did well today - no slip ups.
See, the Lord knew what He was talking about when He said that our fight wasn't with flesh and bone but the principalities and authorities and the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil around us (see Ephesians 6).
I believe that those of us who suffer from actual diagnosed mental illness deal with those powers and principalities in a very personal way. Spiritual oppression is a hard line to walk. Before I came to Christ I just viewed it as my every day life. Just the way it was because of the cards I had been dealt.
It took the light of Christ, shining on my dark situation, to illuminate the fact that it is NOT normal for any of us to live in darkness. I am a Child of the Most High God. I am cleansed of my sins and forgiven.
I am still flawed because I am not glorified yet (that comes when I get to heaven!) I am merely being sanctified. So, my mind (damaged a long time ago by alot of dangerous situations and choices in my young life) is still having a hard time adjusting. I fight off bouts of crippling depression alot. More than anyone, other than my husband, truly knows.
So, I try to fight and I do this most of the time on my own. I forget to cry out to the King to come and save me. See, Jesus doesn't need my help in defeating the things that plague me. He can easily remove them with a whisper. However, He chooses not to. Now I must admit that in my flesh I get a little aggrivated at the fact that He won't just make it go *poof* away. I could dwell on it and get self-righteous and focused on me but then I remember that Paul had a similar dilemma.
He asked God, three times, to remove some ailment from him and the Lord said, "MY grace is sufficient." He didn't remove it.
Spirit focusing thought: Am I more important than the Apostle Paul or any other Joe Schmoe on the street that suffers w/depression? No. So, why expect God to remove it at my demand. Pretty arrogant of me if I do say so myself.
So, here I am Lord. Carrying the burden. I'll tie the pack a little tighter across my shoulders, get a good center of gravity under the burden and I'm going to keep pressing on because I know that You are in front of me, behind me and on every side encouraging me to go forward.
Maybe You'll see fit to remove this one day. Remove the need for meds. Remove the constant insomnia and irrational fears. Remove the ever present struggle to keep the blackness from enveloping me completely. Maybe not but that doesn't matter because You've called me to run this race with true endurance, eyes focused on You alone.
I think I did pretty good today. I'll start the race again tomorrow.
See, the Lord knew what He was talking about when He said that our fight wasn't with flesh and bone but the principalities and authorities and the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil around us (see Ephesians 6).
I believe that those of us who suffer from actual diagnosed mental illness deal with those powers and principalities in a very personal way. Spiritual oppression is a hard line to walk. Before I came to Christ I just viewed it as my every day life. Just the way it was because of the cards I had been dealt.
It took the light of Christ, shining on my dark situation, to illuminate the fact that it is NOT normal for any of us to live in darkness. I am a Child of the Most High God. I am cleansed of my sins and forgiven.
I am still flawed because I am not glorified yet (that comes when I get to heaven!) I am merely being sanctified. So, my mind (damaged a long time ago by alot of dangerous situations and choices in my young life) is still having a hard time adjusting. I fight off bouts of crippling depression alot. More than anyone, other than my husband, truly knows.
So, I try to fight and I do this most of the time on my own. I forget to cry out to the King to come and save me. See, Jesus doesn't need my help in defeating the things that plague me. He can easily remove them with a whisper. However, He chooses not to. Now I must admit that in my flesh I get a little aggrivated at the fact that He won't just make it go *poof* away. I could dwell on it and get self-righteous and focused on me but then I remember that Paul had a similar dilemma.
He asked God, three times, to remove some ailment from him and the Lord said, "MY grace is sufficient." He didn't remove it.
Spirit focusing thought: Am I more important than the Apostle Paul or any other Joe Schmoe on the street that suffers w/depression? No. So, why expect God to remove it at my demand. Pretty arrogant of me if I do say so myself.
So, here I am Lord. Carrying the burden. I'll tie the pack a little tighter across my shoulders, get a good center of gravity under the burden and I'm going to keep pressing on because I know that You are in front of me, behind me and on every side encouraging me to go forward.
Maybe You'll see fit to remove this one day. Remove the need for meds. Remove the constant insomnia and irrational fears. Remove the ever present struggle to keep the blackness from enveloping me completely. Maybe not but that doesn't matter because You've called me to run this race with true endurance, eyes focused on You alone.
I think I did pretty good today. I'll start the race again tomorrow.
Lighten My Load, Lord
Today -
Not as bad as it felt yesterday. There is a fog in my head and my brain is thinking over what happened yesterday. I know that YOU are here with me.
I know that I am not . . . but I know the I AM.
I want fire, passion, excitement, and that jittery feeling in the pit of my stomach when I am awake. I want to feel alive and not just going through the motions of daily life.
Can You do that for me Lord? Just a little bit . . .
Not as bad as it felt yesterday. There is a fog in my head and my brain is thinking over what happened yesterday. I know that YOU are here with me.
I know that I am not . . . but I know the I AM.
I want fire, passion, excitement, and that jittery feeling in the pit of my stomach when I am awake. I want to feel alive and not just going through the motions of daily life.
Can You do that for me Lord? Just a little bit . . .
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Lord - You still reach out
I write out my heart. Say on this page alot of things I've felt for a while.
I leave to get Dakota from track practice and as I am turning onto 271, the radio personality says: "Are you tired of being stuck in a rut? Going through the motions? Do you want to feel that fire?"
As I pull into traffic I try not to stare at the radio as I guide my silver car through the lights to the school. Then a song comes on the radio that is (without question) given to me for that specific moment.
I had a divine appointment. Right there in the middle of ordinary traffic, on an ordinary Wednesday after I dared to write what I really feel. A divine meeting with the Creator of the Universe, right there, just for me.
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,instead of going through the motions?"
No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something'
Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life
'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,instead of going through the motions?"
("Motions" Matthew West)
And so, here I sit with my eyes on the screen. Scanning lyrics that a stranger wrote specifically for me? Maybe not just for me but I tend to think that.
So now what do I do with this information given to me . . . literally tossed in my lap from a Heavenly Father who must be smiling and shaking His head at me?
I know for sure the very first line of this song is so very true right now, "This might hurt, it's not safe" speaks to me in the right here and the right now of my life.
Dripless
I'm here today - possibly gone tomorrow.
My water is shut off - my spiritual fountain seems dry as well
My mind is stagnant - a spirit that doesn't seem to be moving either
I am in a place that I have been in a while - visiting old friends errr demons
Think I could melt into the center of the earth - taking my psychosis with me
I feel truly, utterly, impossibly, tragically invisible - truth not seen with the naked eye
The fishbowl has become too small - my tolerance, patience and kindness tiny in portion
My tongue feels like cotton in my mouth - words are sticky like spiders webs
Head pounds - heart barely beats
Fingers move of their own accord across the lifeless keys - me barely moving at all really
Moving through the motion of my life at a sloth's pace - feelings seem like molasses
Interactions less than desired - interactions always expected, no excuses
God, please not another emotion - God, please give me more emotion
I'm sick of your diseases - drowning in the side affects of my own
My inner self is diaphanous - delicately sheer tears threaten to fall
Could curl into a ball in this room - there is no room for "inactivity"
My reflection mocks me at every turn - Turning my eyes to avoid the expectation
I could die this lonely inside - my euology mocks me to wait it out
The roaring fire of the Spirit - merely a bleak smokeless ring of black inside
I have run so very far from it - I have gotten nowhere
Unsure of whose I am - tired of always trying to figure out my destination
My mind wanders to thoughts of how easy it could be - reality laughs and simply stares at me
I need ignition soon - combustable explosion is the only way to live
Rise like the mystical Phoenix from the ash - covering my head till all is gray
Where to now - waiting for a jump start to a dead battery
A spark - a jolt - a nudge - a sigh - a glimpse - a Truth - an embrace - a wholeness
My water is shut off - my spiritual fountain seems dry as well
My mind is stagnant - a spirit that doesn't seem to be moving either
I am in a place that I have been in a while - visiting old friends errr demons
Think I could melt into the center of the earth - taking my psychosis with me
I feel truly, utterly, impossibly, tragically invisible - truth not seen with the naked eye
The fishbowl has become too small - my tolerance, patience and kindness tiny in portion
My tongue feels like cotton in my mouth - words are sticky like spiders webs
Head pounds - heart barely beats
Fingers move of their own accord across the lifeless keys - me barely moving at all really
Moving through the motion of my life at a sloth's pace - feelings seem like molasses
Interactions less than desired - interactions always expected, no excuses
God, please not another emotion - God, please give me more emotion
I'm sick of your diseases - drowning in the side affects of my own
My inner self is diaphanous - delicately sheer tears threaten to fall
Could curl into a ball in this room - there is no room for "inactivity"
My reflection mocks me at every turn - Turning my eyes to avoid the expectation
I could die this lonely inside - my euology mocks me to wait it out
The roaring fire of the Spirit - merely a bleak smokeless ring of black inside
I have run so very far from it - I have gotten nowhere
Unsure of whose I am - tired of always trying to figure out my destination
My mind wanders to thoughts of how easy it could be - reality laughs and simply stares at me
I need ignition soon - combustable explosion is the only way to live
Rise like the mystical Phoenix from the ash - covering my head till all is gray
Where to now - waiting for a jump start to a dead battery
A spark - a jolt - a nudge - a sigh - a glimpse - a Truth - an embrace - a wholeness
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