-*-On the Road-*-

Well, I'm embarking on a new journey. I'm motivated and ready to get rid of some excess baggage - well ALOT!

So, I'm making a blog to track my weight loss and beginning a running regiment.

Pray for me because I'm going from the couch to the track.

Here I come healthy self.

Right Now

I'm tired.

I'm under.

I'm drowning.

I'm struggling.

I'm complacent.

I'm ruined.

I'm dry.

I'm cracked.

I'm back where I started.

I'm just . . . blank.

Late Night Introspection

There are late night moments in my life that really end up meaning something.  Tonight is one of those nights for me. I have a deep sense of contentment. I sit in a quiet house and I feel the peace. There is peace here.

We, as a family, have our blow ups. Our fight-club moments but at the end of the day my home is peaceful. Having never grew up in a peaceful home this means more to me than most people realize. It's having a home where you know that it is safe and all is well. I grew up with the complete opposite in my home. You never knew what was going to happen once the sun went down. And let me tell you, that made for a very light night of sleeping. As a child I perfected the art of nervous sleep! It's as hard as it sounds trust me.

But here in this moment at the ripe ol' age of 37, I am content to know that my home is filled with love, peace, kindness, goodness, and sometimes self control. We are a loud family - anyone that knows us well can testify to that. Perhaps we are too loud sometimes. We are a verbal family. There is always a conversation, a disagreement, a challenge or a "No way!" floating in the air. Sometimes, we are an obnoxious bunch - everyone knowing more than anyone else in the room. (That is a hereditary trait passed on by my hubby btw).

We are a tight knit family. We care deeply for one another. We are close. Our boys have grown up knowing that dad and mom are always there for them. We are their biggest fans and champions. We have always told our boys there is nothing they can't achieve with Christ on their side. We are not perfect parents by any means - trust me, we have made some big mistakes but we are active parents. We are there 100% for these two young men that God entrusted to us 17 yrs ago.

I could write volumes on each one of them . . . the men in my family. My husband, my eldest and my youngest. I could write poetry and love songs to them. They are my world. They love me unconditionally. The have always loved me for me. They never cared that I was fat, that I wore glasses or that I am completely silly. They have always laughed at my jokes and wiped my cheeks when I cried. These three people can make me laugh harder than any comedian. These are 'My" guys! I would lay down my life for them without a second thought and I know they would do the same for me.

So, forgive me if I am a bit melancholy tonight. As I sit in this silent house I know that time is rushing by. Soon, I'll be writing of their adventures in their own lives. I'll be telling you of their children and how proud I am that they are Godly husbands. For now I am content to just tell you that all is well in this house and Christ is the reason.

Goodnight my sweet Princes. I love you.

Julie & Julia - the movie

Well, I just finished watching the movie "Julie & Julia". It is about a woman cooking for 365 days through Julia Child's French cookbook! As an amatuer foodie I absolutely loved this movie!

What touched me the most about it though was the glimpse into Julia Child's marriage and how much she and her husband loved each other. She wasn't the typical magazine beauty by any means. She was too tall and big boned! Yet her husband loved her as if she were the most beautiful woman on earth - and she was to him. That is all that matters I suppose. He supported her in all her endeavors. He loved to watch her cook. He told her she could when she felt like she couldn't. He was her champion - her best fan and friend.

My husband loves me that way. He sees me like noone else does. He looks at me as if I were the most exquisite model on a magazine cover. I'm tall and I'm fat. Hefty. Big boned. Overweight. Whatever. I'm not a size 6 by any means but I am loved beyond measure by a man who has taken care of me for 18 years.

This movie did something in my heart towards my husband. It has made me glad to have him. It has made me love him all the more. And it has made me want to cherish that love more than anything else in the world.

I love you honey.

Mar

Lavish Feast

(This is an older post I made a few years ago - reposted here)

Dear Beloved,

I am watching Bizarre Foods and the host is having a "lavish meal" with a group of Shikh Muslims. They meal apparently has 36 courses! The cooks use every piece of a slaughtered lamb. There isn't one inch of the animal that is wasted.

This feast takes alot of time and preparation. In this feast one member of the family must not eat, he must serve the rest of the family. Wow, the Biblical application here just sort of jumps out at you. The fact that they use the lamb in every single course of the feast shows me a picture of how we should "ingest" Christ into every segment of our daily lives.

Can you imagine living on a steady diet of Jesus? An aroma of Christ that permeates every part of our lives and leaves it's scent on everyone we meet. The thought of eating a meal with 36 different courses is pretty unattractive to me, to be completely honest! Perhaps that is how we view a daily diet of Christ. Maybe the "thought" of covering every aspect of our lives with Christ is just too tiresome, too out of reach, to unattainable . . . sort of like eating a 36 course meal!

I find it extremely interesting that the cooks use every single bit of the lamb. They don't go for the best bits of meat and leave the more "undesireable" cuts in the garbage. They find a use for even the eyeballs and other unappealing parts of the animal.

"Waste not, want not." Hmm, Do I settle on the most appealing, easily digestible aspects of my walk with Christ and leave the "harder to swallow" expectations of the Lord by the wayside? Do I seek out those things in His Word that tickle my ears? Those things that look tasty and are easy to follow? Am I just tossing those harder lessons to the side and dooming myself to repeat habits and sins over and over again because I threw away a piece of the meat that didn't appeal to me? How many of us pick apart the Lamb of God and only consume those parts of Him that appeal to our flesh? Woe to us and our shallow feasting.

Now my last observation was that at least one member of the family didn't eat because he chose instead to serve the family this extravagant meal. Jesus said that He would not partake of the fruit of the vine again until we were together in heaven. He chooses not to "drink" or eat for that matter until we are all served and given a chance to accept the free gift of salvation.

At some point this small feast will end and Jesus will call us home. Then we will begin that amazing Marriage Feast in the presence of Christ and He will eat and drink with us! That is what I consider, withtout equal, a lavish feast.

-M

Give Me a Revelation

Give me a revelation

Show me what to do

Cause I can't seem to find my way

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here

Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing with You

(Third Day)

There are times in a Believer's life when you have to take a step back and examine your life without rose colored glasses on. Taking a real hard look at your spiritual life, at your true life commitment to Christ, at your dedication to the Cause of His Kingdom. You have to push aside all the fluffy "feel good" things that you try to distract yourself with and get to the nitty gritty. The down deep, serious, adoration of your heart.

Where is it?  What do you see when you part the curtain and see the real "man" behind it?

I'm not liking what I see at all. I'm realizing as I stand there with the parted curtains in my hand that I am looking at an empty room. Dust covering the floor as small particles waft around me in the dim light. There are shelves of books, from floor to ceiling, looking very scholarly but completely covered in a filthy grime. There are two chairs and a floor lamp between. In another light it would be so inviting for two people. Two people who want to sit and chat, to talk deeply about life, love and faith.

My room behind the curtain is a museum to my faith. A show piece for myself and everyone else around me. It looks nice but really isn't serving a function. It's a jelly filled donut with no jelly!

Scanning the two comfortable chairs I notice that one looks like it just came off the show room floor. No scratches in the wood, no dents in the seat. There isn't a well worn feel to it. It hasn't been used alot but the other chair, now that is a different story. The second chair is worn in a comfortable inviting way. There are indentations in the seat as if someone sits there everyday and has made their mark on the leather. There is no dust covering this chair. It is being used.

In my heart I realize that the well worn, comfy inviting chair is my Master's chair. This is where Jesus resides and waits for me to come visit Him. Day after day. Month after month. Oh, how long has He waited in the darkness of that room for me? How many times have I passed by and not even glanced inside? More times than I can admit without crying.

In the house that is my life, the one place, the one room that should have no dust and should be warm and inviting - I have made it cold and desolate. There is no fire in the fireplace, not warm cups of coffee on the table, no laughter between a King and His Daughter. No tender mercies or words shared. No love and adoration given to the Maker of the Universe. No exploration of His Word to glean out wisdom and comfort. I have left this room in ruin. Covered in the dust of my sin and waywardness. I have left my Jesus covered in that same dust.

So my sweet Lord, I ask humbly and with all seriousness in my soul

Give me a revelation.

Show me what to do.

I keep trying to find my way - I haven't got a clue.

I'm pulling the curtains back now. Going to let the sun shine gloriously into this room and He built for me. I'm going to clean up the dust. More importanly, I am going to sit right down and wait for Him to arrive . . . oh wait, He was here the whole time!

Jesus, Me and the Shock Collar

I talked to Jesus for a while last night @ church. Kneeling down at the altar I fought with myself for a minute how to "open" my prayer as if I were giving a presentation at a board meeting! Finally I just relaxed, took a deep breath and simply said:


"Lord Jesus, you need to put a shock collar on me. You know, like those ones we use on dogs to keep them in line and teach them to behave?"


And that was how my talk with Jesus began. I was fully enjoying my talk with Him because I was just being me. It was the first time that I had prayed to my Savior that way and it felt good - natural.


I told him how I felt like a dog following his master. A dog will get off track and zigzag around the country while you walk in a simple straight line to the destination (this was a point that my dear hubby made during his Sunday sermon). As I was praying the image of me running behind Jesus in a zigzag pattern, examining every rock, crevice and object along the way was comical and more than a bit sad to me.


You see while I was zigzagging along behind Jesus - His patience was unwavering. In that image I saw just how kind, merciful and loving He really is towards me when I am so unfocused on Him and the path He has laid out for me.


So, I am asking myself today . . . what is so interesting about all that stuff to the right and left of my path? Why do I jump so eagerly off the clearly marked trail that Jesus leaves for me into briars, thorns, bushes and rocks?


When I asked the Lord of the Universe to use a shock collar on me in a joking way last night I didn't realize this morning that I would be serious about it! A shock collar set on 10. Let's move past the little warning beep or the gentle #1 setting that gives you a tiny buzz.


Lord, put it all the way up and shock the living daylights out of me. Make it hurt. Get my attention because I am so wayward that a little buzz behind the ear isn't working. Press the button and hold it down until I am fully committed and focused on Your path.




Your Zigzag Lovin' Daughter,
Mar