Believe it or not, I love to write.
I have this horrible habit of starting a journal and never quite seeing it through. Truth be told, I have a dozen or so paper journals that are only 25% written in!
So, I'm studying my online journal and seeing how neglected it is. Begins to remind me of my spiritual life and walk with Christ.It's negelected.So then I begin to wonder just how it can be neglected when I am the Pastor's wife. I go to church regularly. I am involved in ministry. I teach Sunday school.It shouldn't be neglected should it dear reader?
In a perfect world it wouldn't be but let's be real. This isn't a perfect world and I am just human. I feel fragile right now - fragile like those little glass blown animals you can get at any amusement park. Those tiny and colorful glass creations that will literally shatter if you blow too hard on them. That's my heart and soul right now. Fragile.I won't stand on pretense and act like I don't know why it's that way.
I know it's that way because I have been neglecting my Word. Neglecting God's presence. Neglecting the Holy Spirit. Neglecting prayer. I've been ignoring that I do not have a heart of worship.Neglect. Fragile. All those things are rolled into a ball in the pit of my stomach.
Things have GOT to change for me. Something has got to give.
In all my years of dealing with mental illness I have never felt desperate. I feel desperate now.I'm so tired of turning a blind eye to what is ailing me. God give me strength to head into this battle with a mighty war cry and not a wimper.
With love,Mar
