"Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying. And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, 'Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. And I know that You always hear Me, but because of the people who are standing by I said this, that they may believe that You sent Me.' Now when He had said these things, He cried with a loud voice, 'Lazarus, come forth!' And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with graveclothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, 'Loose him, and let him go'." (Jno. 11:41-44)
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Jesus let a man die.
But soon enough after, He raised a man back to life.
This shows the immense power of Jesus over life and death. And that would be the typical way to go with this verse but I am applying it on a more personal level right now.
For me - I think that Jesus is going to let me "die" in these graveclothes that I keep hanging on to. By die, I do not mean actual death (although that is His choice) but I mean that if I keep lugging them around and wrapping myself up in these graveclothes then I am choosing to die in them - spiritually - emotionally - mentally.
Sometimes it takes a simply weekday lunch at a Chinese place with a good friend to wake you up to the fact that you are covered in the graveclothes. A friend did that for a me a few weeks ago and it has affected me deeply. To the point that I am peeling off the stinky, death scented rags and looking at my life through new eyes. Eyes of the ressurected I suppose.
Did I suddenly realize I wasn't saved? No. I am part of the elect, there is no doubt in my mind. I am a Princess in my God's Kingdom.
What I am realizing is that I have been walking in the shadowlands of faith and not in the bright sunlight of the joy it brings. Burdened down with self loathing, doubt and hate. Burdened with the "what ifs" of ministry life. Burdened down with the world that seems to seduce me all too easily.
My graveclothes have been applied by no one else but myself. It's as if I cut them up, wound them around my limbs and body and then crawled into the grave. Permaturely! A living breathing Christian crawling into the grave as if dead.
My friend, over Kung Pao Chicken and egg rolls, reminded me that I am not dead. That I have life in me yet and that God is using me, even in my despair and disobedience.
So, I'm going to stay focused on the graveclothes for a while and see where it takes me.
In Christ,
Mar
